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Lenten Meditations 2009
I DEDICATE THIS WRITING TO ALL MY FRIENDS. WITHOUT YOU, AND GOD IN AND THROUGH YOU, I WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO MAKE IT THROUGH SOME VERY HARD TIMES IN THE LAST MANY MONTHS WITHOUT LOSING MY WAY - REALLY CHRIST'S WAY. IN THE MIDST OF SUFFERING A GREAT LOSS - YOUR LOYALTY SHOWED ME THE WAY TO KEEP BELIEVING CHRIST IS EVEN IN SUCH TIMES. YOU HAVE TAUGHT ME EVEN MORE THE SACREDNESS OF THE KNITTING OF SOULS IN UNION. I CAN NOT EXPRESS THANKS ADEQUATELY FOR YOUR PRESENCE, PRAYERS, AND TRUST. I HOPE I HAVE BEEN A TRUE FRIEND TO YOU, ALSO. ANYWAY, THANKS FOR BEING FRIENDS!
Today's Scripture
1As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. 2And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father’s house. 3Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul. 4And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt.
*I Samuel 18.1-4 (ESV)
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This writing addresses a universal need for deep friendship. I have enjoyed close friendships. I find these friendships a treasure, and more so as I get older. Also, now that I have gotten older and my father older, I see our relationship becoming more friendly - more like equals. I enjoy the friendliness shared with members of my church. I cannot just become their bosom buddy, but in a pastoral role I share qualities of friendship with many of them.
Also, lately, I have explored past friendships. Some I did not honor well enough. Some I did not keep alive by attention and nurture. Some were meant for a season, only. One new goal in my life has been to be more attentive to my friendships and, also, release those who do not desire the friendship I desire. Possibly, we can differentiate between those persons who are acquaintances - and these have a friendly quality - and sacred friendships - those that entail consistent nurturing, communication, and shared bonding of hearts.
What is a sacred friendship? If we discern that, we can better see how such fits in our spiritual Journey.
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A friend is, literally, a lover. The connection between the Latin amīcus, "friend," and amō, "I love," is apparent. We see, additionally, the relationship between the Greek philos, "friend," and phileō, "I love."
In English, though, we go back a millennium before we see the verb "to love" linked to "friend." Frēond, an Old English word for "friend," was the present participle of the verb frēon, "to love." The Germanic root for this verb is frī-, which meant "to like, love, be friendly to."
Closely linked to these ideas is "peace." The Germanic made a noun from this root, frithu-, meaning "peace." The root, also, shows up in the name of the Germanic deity Frigg, the goddess of love, who lives on today in the word Friday, "day of Frigg," from an ancient rendition of Latin Veneris diēs, "day of Venus."
What word history for "friend" shows is the link between two ideas. Friendship has to do with a state of love, love within peace.
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To live spiritually expands capacity to enjoy rich friendship. I offer an example of sacred friendship, from a letter by the eminent Christian mystic, Gregory of Nyssa (b. c. 335). The letter is to a close friend, likely during an exile, in which the correspondence between the two was a strength to Gregory:
What flower in spring is so bright, what voices of singing birds are so sweet, what breezes that soothe the calm sea are so light and mild, what glebe is so fragrant to the husbandman — whether it be teeming with green blades, or waving with fruitful ears as is the spring of the soul, lit up with your peaceful beams, from the radiance which shone in your letter, which raised our life from despondency to gladness? For thus, perhaps, it will not be unfitting to adapt the word of the prophet to our present blessings: “In the multitude of the sorrows which I had in my heart, the comforts of God,” by your kindness, “have refreshed my soul” [Ps. xciv. 19], like sunbeams, cheering and warming our life nipped by frost. For both reached the highest pitch — the severity of my troubles, I mean, on the one side, and the sweetness of your favours on the other.
Now, anyone with spiritual sensitivity is positively blessed by those words of intimate, sacred love between two men, separated in distance but one in heart. That is the nature of sacred friendship. And that is the friendship we are to share with Jesus, our brother, too.
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A true, spiritual friend can be a help toward and a bond of peace. Likely, some of your most precious moments have been times spent with a friend. And, while our culture seems to struggle much with intimate romantic relationships, possibly one reason is that often we fail to honor the friendship that must exists between a beloved and lover. Also, sadly, persons now, for the most part, seem to feel rushing into sex is okay. They do not seem to realize that can abort the bonding in friendship that is a must for a close intimate union.
Likewise, spiritual communities need to nurture friendship. To do this, members need time together. The social activities are important to nurture close bonds of friendship. I see strong bonds of friendship and peace grown through worship, likewise. This generally happens in small groups, not the larger general assembly of worship.
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Note the remarkable way the Bible speaks of Jonathan's love for David. His soul was "knit to" David's. The Hebrew verb gashar means "to be bound to." Other readings have "an immediate bond" (NLT); "committed himself to David" (NCSB); "felt very close to David" (NCV); "became one in spirit with" (NIV).
The word "knit" appears in the New Testament for the entire Christian community.
1For I want you to know how great a struggle I have for you and for those at Laodicea and for all who have not seen me face to face, 2that their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love [lit. "to go up together"], to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God’s mystery, which is Christ, 3 in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.
*Colossians 3.1-3 (ESV), emphasis mine
The seriousness of the union of sacred friendship is implied in what Jonathan does - "Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul." He, following, gave him a pledge of his love for him.
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Lent is a season to explore the matter of loyalty. Friendship, in a spiritual sense, implies an agreement, spoken or not, that is sacred. This means the bond is to be a means of the Spirit to bless those bonded, and others through the union of Love and Peace.
Today, reflect on the sacred friendships you are graced with. Meditate on the implied or explicit covenant in such bonding. Ask yourself how you can practice being a better, more loyal friend.
Reflect upon relationships you are investing in, hoping for them to be friendly bonds, a knitting together of Love and Peace. Are some of the friendships not working? Do you need to do something to renew them?
Possibly, you have a friendship that is no longer a space of bonding and blessing. Could it be the friendship has changed and you need to release it, being thankful for what you shared, but no longer share?
Likely, some friendships are for a season, some for life. Yet, if the friendship is not for life, move on with grace. If you have a friend you sense is God-given for life, nurture the bond. If you do not nurture it, the knitting will become an unknitting.
Also, are you struggling in an intimate relationship? Consider focusing on building up the friendliness between you two. We are wrong in our culture in assuming to be whole a person must have sex. Friendship is much more vital in an intimate bond than is sex. If your friendship goes, intimacy goes, and, then, if you have sex, you will have sex - nothing more. If you share true, sacred knitting in friendship, your physical intimacy expresses a sacred covenant made between two souls and alive with Love and Peace, and God.
Last, if you are covenanted with someone in marriage, and there are not conditions of such abuse to necessitate a breaking of covenant, do not break the covenant. Rather, get together, lay aside your impulses to accuse and change the other person. Talk about how you two can become friends again. If you can become friends again, there will be a time to restore the intimacy of union physically, and the trust that goes with it.
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*The word history for "friendship" is from The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language. Fourth Edition. Copyright © 2006 by Houghton Mifflin Company.
Published by Houghton Mifflin Company.
*Meanings of biblical words derive from Young's Analytical Concordance.
*Gregory of Nyssa's "Letter VII - To a Friend," is from: Gregory of Nyssa: Dogmatic Treaties, Etc.. Ed. Philip Schaff.
*This writing ministry is the offering of Rev. Dr. Brian K. Wilcox, of SW Florida, a Pastor in the United Methodist Church, and Senior Chaplain for the Charlotte County Jail, Punta Gorda, FL. To contact Brian, write to barukhattah@embarqmail.com .
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